A Room of One's Own

(originally posted November 29, 2007)

I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.

-Virginia Woolf

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...

Today's message goes out to Mimi, Summerset, Dawn, Adrienne, and all others within reach of my "voice".

Over the past few weeks, I have been haunted by the question, "Why blog?"

I started writing entries simply to combat the frustration I felt over not being free to leave the house, socialize and have grown-up time when I wanted to...

The triple-whammy of my difficult pregnancy with our toddler daughter to care for, followed by my son's serious birth defect and neuro-surgery, followed by an incredibly tight and grueling therapy schedule have left me very little "me time". So I started writing this blog. What I have found to be far more valuable than the catharsis the blog has given me, is the absolute joy of reading the blogs of others...

So it seems, I have found a "community". I was inspired to say this today, as this realisation is hitting me.

When I read your blogs, I "hear" you. I hear the love you all have for your children, (whether they are small or big)and the absolute passion you all share for expressing yourself through your words and creative fingers. I am learning so much through you. Today, I want to celebrate that!

Just so you know, since this online life can be isolating, there is someone eagerly awaiting your next posts, even when I don't comment!

So, why the picture and quote?

Well, when my sister was little, she painted this image of my mother at the sewing machine. It was the 60's, so you can see the color choice was very "of the moment", and the roundness of my Mom's afro is a great fashion statement, isn't it?

Notice my Mom's back to her - she is absolutely in her own world. And happily so. Even at my sister's tender age, she could appreciate that my mother had her own passion, and my sister took the opportunity at that time, to explore her own creativity.

At the time, anyone would have said, "What a cute picture of your Mom at the sewing machine!" But the picture expresses so much more than that. It is not about feeling "left out" of my Mom's creative world, it was encouragement and permission to find her own creative space.

As a Mom, finding your own space, your own moment to just create and really be who you are, is so important. And letting your children know that you are entitled to that space, and having them respect it, is vital. Well, husbands too, but mine doesn't give me any conflict about my sewing. I am still carving out my own time, slowly but surely, since I have discovered that I truly cannot live (and be pleasant, ha!) without it.

The past few days, however, I have been in gourmet mode, stocking our kitchen with homemade-from-scratch goodies. I am well-fed and rested... and on a bit of a sewing binge between Aaron's therapies... the results of which will soon be revealed on this blog.

Stay tuned!

What the dressmaker and her client need to know...

You may already know that I am the owner of the www.findadressmaker.com site, a labor of love, which is very fulfilling to run.

My bird’s eye view of the custom sewing and dressmaking industry (mostly in the US) has taught me so much about the potential of this profession, and the type of women (we are mostly women, after all) who choose it.

Word of mouth is powerful. Negative or positive, word of mouth will bring attention to your business. While word of mouth is a great way to get new business, even the best dressmaker can find herself with less (or more!) business than she wants at any given moment. Scheduling a proper workload is difficult for dressmakers. The flow of clients can be unpredictable, and the variables are many…

The main market for dressmakers (like it or not!), is bridal. Dressmaking is very specific, careful, skilled work… and to navigate the bridal market, a dressmaker has to be able to deal with the emotional roller coaster that comes along with doing this type of work. I’m not just talking about the bride. There is the mother of the bride, mother of the groom, flower girls, bridesmaids, and the coordination of all of those people in their various locations, challenges (and temperaments) to handle. Some people are just lovely. Some people know exactly what they want. Some people have a positive body image. Some people are completely reasonable, puctual, and friendly. Some are none of these things. A dressmaker has to be prepared for any combination of problems, including her own variables. If one wants to do this type of work, she has to be sure to keep an ample supply Tums, Pepto and Advil…

Having said that, the general rule of thumb regarding what a bride should be spending, is 10% of her wedding budget on the gown. Anyone may choose to spend considerably more or less, but it would be best to know what she is really expecting, since, if she wants her gown custom-made, she is buying an invisible product. The woman who wants a knock-off of the $6000 gown she loves for $1000 is almost guaranteed to be disappointed. The dressmaker has to make sure she knows that it will likely require a significant downgrade in materials and labor to fit her budget.

Lastly, make sure she knows her options. The web is full of sites which will help her plan and budget her event. It can be hard to distinguish good ones from poor quality ones...there is such an information overload these days.

It has been a long time since I have updated this blog. No longer feeling the need to document my every move, and feeling much more in the flow of life since both of my children started school again last week, I can now focus on my business again. It has been a long,hard summer, fraught with all sorts of challenges and complete exhaustion, but I am coming out of it now. (Thank God!)

So, I will now be pulling in information from old posts, writing new ones, and updating the blog to reflect where I am now. For a little while, I will be cleaning up some projects, resolving unfinished business, and generally resuming my professional life. Deep breath... full steam ahead!



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No apologies

I'm seeing a trend in blogging lately, that disturbs me greatly. We bloggers, (women bloggers exclusively, it seems) are apologizing for things that require no apology. Why is this happening? I am seeing apologies for mussed hair, dark circles under eyes, crooked stitches, slightly imperfect photographs, messy studios, slow posting, unfinished projects...

I made most of the above jacket a few years ago (this photo was taken while it was in progress), when I thought I was going to love purple forever. Now, I REALLY hate it, but the fabric was quite expensive, so I hold on to it, thinking maybe someday... well...let's get real... This will likely remain in my nearly completed stash until I can transform it into something I will like for a long time. Who knows how long that will be... a poorly conceived project... sometimes that happens... even when you're $250 into materials for the project. Yeah, oh well.

I see many very professional, well-produced blogs as well... which are great -- don't get me wrong... But we all know how much time a person needs to dedicate to create a "perfect" post, with great photographs, masquerading as something casually dashed-off while sipping your morning coffee.

Isn't the beauty of life in its imperfection? Isn't life messy and unpredictable? Let's celebrate that. Isn't the person you love the most absolutely breath-taking when he/she first wakes up in the morning? Isn't your favorite sweatshirt threadbare in just the "right" places?

Isn't that what life is all about?

In this high-tech, highly-polished environment, super-glossy and over-produced, don't we all read blogs to engage and indulge our inner voyeur with real people leading real lives? People to whom we can relate? Really, who would trade their mother's famous chili (or insert your loved one's specialty here...) over the finest restaurant meal money can buy?

Subscribing

At Seth's Blog, a very popular business blog, Seth tells his blog fans specifically to subscribe to his blog. It never occurred to me to do that. So, if you like this blog, subscribe. Readership is the motivation to write more posts.

If you don't know how to subscribe or what that means, see Seth's explanation of what that means, and why you would want to subscribe to the ones you want to visit again!

RSS, Del.icio.us, Feedburner, Digg... Oh, I get it!

This post is for "the rest" of us. It is a service for those of us who have little/no idea what the above terms mean... If you are a computer geek, read no further. I will get back on topic with my next post!

I may be slow on the uptake here, but I am starting to see the point of all of these services, and how they can work with your blog. Goodness... the things you have to learn to get everything working...

Tired of feeling like an idiot every time someone suggests a new feature I should "enable", I did some reading.

A while back, it was suggested that I enable RSS on my blog, and, not knowing what that was, I Googled it, and came up with "Google Reader" info. So, I followed the steps, enabled RSS on my blog, and signed up for my own (free!) Google Reader, so that I could keep track of the blogs I love and news sources I trust. I LOOOOVE this service so much, I can't even tell you. I have been trying to explain to my friends and family how great it is to have the equivalent of my own custom online newspaper every day, and even if I use the "TIVO" analogy, they still don't care. For those of you who do...

www.google.com/reader

Del.ici.ous is a bookmarking site. You can bookmark things that interest you, and others can see what you've bookmarked, and check it out for themselves! You can add a "save to del.ici.ous" button to your blog.

www.delicious.com

Digg is another version of bookmarking site. In a nutshell, same purpose as above, more or less.

www.digg.com

Feedburner is a great service. You can actually see what posts get the most readership by logging into your account and checking the data. It will tell you other stuff about your blog, too. Sign up - free for the basics, and you can pay for extras.

www.feedburner.com

Sewing and beyond in the blogosphere

"Society is complex, yet it is simple. It binds together people of diverse tastes, beliefs, and habits of thought, but it comples no one to affiliate with his neighbor beyond the extent of practicing toward him the polite formalities which are the social currency of enlightened people. Whoever does more than this is valued accordingly; and by the subtle workings of sympathetic affinities; those whose mutual aims and ambitions are nearest alike form circles within which their special enjoyments or pursuits are followed."

--Good Manners (Butterick Publishing Company, 1888)

I was taking a little trip around the blogosphere, wondering what other passions people were blogging about. I know sewists can be fanatics, but most of us aren't really writing specifically about sewing, so much as about life, really.

Well, no matter what the topic, I found some amazing similarities between bloggers with a "human" quality. Sites focusing on other creative topics eventually touch on crafts, or knitting, or sewing, and eventually... pets. No matter who the author, it seems all readers are eventually forced to look at 10,000 pictures of your cat/dog/precious rodent/whatever. I laugh every time I come across another "kitty" entry. Check for yourself! The universality of it is hilarious! Sorry, I'm not a pet owner, so I don't understand.

There is also the obligatory "what I ate for breakfast/lunch/dinner" entry when people feel compelled to write, but have nothing to say. But here's the amazing part... I read them. With interest. I read about stay-at-home moms with the summertime "blues", frustrated artists, witty, snarky, and beautiful comments about everything... and it all started to blend into one voice. This blogging trend is bigger than just tiny slices of ordinary lives. It is amazingly democratic, real, fascinating, and nothing is too small or mundane.


Today's item for the daily purge...



This book was never opened by my mother-in-law, and, after sitting on her shelf for a decade or so, it was never used by me. For some crazy reason, I decided that it was something I should keep. Guess what, guys? 1982 was a long time ago. Time to let go! It can be yours for the price of postage - just let me know.