Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The golden prison (new curtains)

As I thought about writing this post, I vacillated between... "No, I can't write that!" and "Yes, I absolutely should write that!" While this is a blog anchored in sewing and creative subjects, the point really is the bigger picture thinking that goes along with it.

After all, "Here are my new curtains" risks being about as compelling as, "Have you met my cat? Isn't he cute?"

(No offense to cat lovers out there... I know what it is to love my own pet... well, you know what I'm saying...)

So, after waaaaay too much thought, I have recently put up the new curtains I made.
Whether you love them, hate them, or feel nothing in particular, they cast exactly the golden glow I was going for, and add a warm hug to our living room.

My Autistic two year-old is making incredible progress with his therapies. Every day, an army of therapists march through our home, helping Aaron to snip Play-Doh with scissors, string beads, put puzzles together, balance and walk on a row of thick beams, develop the skills to pronounce the words he knows, pay attention and follow directions, and so much more... He is truly a different child than he was when we started in April. He looooves being read to about as much as his sister did at his age. (We are about 20 books into the day already... no, I'm NOT kidding)

So, with all of these therapies, my opportunities to leave the house for any recreational reasons, are limited. I have started to research babysitting options. Okay, since Aaron has significant safety awareness issues, tends to choke and gag on food if not closely supervised, has considerable mobility issues, and has sensory problems that can set off random tantrums, we would really need someone qualified to deal with that stuff.

For any quality person to take on such a job, money would be a motivating factor, and she would need to have a regular schedule. Problem is, who would be qualified, willing AND only need part-time work? The kicker, is that she can't be elderly, because she has to be strong enough to physically handle Aaron.

I would also have to have the patience to train such a person, take her on in the Mommy's helper role until we were both comfortable, AND make sure she knows CPR and the Heimlich maneuver... well, it is a second job for me, too!

I hung the curtians up before hemming them to check the "feel", and asked my 6-year old, Nadine, if they looked a bit crooked. "Yes," she replied, "and perfect."

My husband worries about any stranger caring for my son. I understand that, but every single person you've never met is a "stranger". All of Aaron's therapists were once "strangers". We have to start working on involving someone else in our lives, before I go stark raving mad...

So, in the past few weeks, being hit with the realization that Aaron will require special supervision for years to come, most likely, started to scare me. So, we were in a fabric store, and I saw the striped sheer fabric with the gold bars. I chuckled to myself, and thought it would be the perfect addition to my "golden prison". I hope there is a person out there who can really help our family, giving me a break to just take a walk by myself, have a cup of coffee by myself, go to the movies with my husband without requiring the kids to be asleep... you know... real life.

So, as Nadine has reminded me, our life is crazy, busy, demanding, complicated, and yes... "perfect".

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  1. YOU WRITE BEAUTIFULLY! I do hope you can find a special person to give you a break. And yes, your curtains are lovely.

  2. Your curtains are beautiful. I really hope you can find someone to take care of your son every now and then.

  3. Beautifully written. I feel your pain but am so far away. I hope you find the help you need.

  4. This was a fantastic read. I hope you find someone up to the task of taking good care of your son, so you can leave your golden prison sometimes... A happy mother is a better mother. And your curtains are beautiful to my eyes.