I write because I want to be heard, I want my point of view affirmed and confirmed, and I enjoy it and want to do it, while showing that I am also "listening". I know that there are plenty of people who read and don't comment, who find some kernel of meaning or something of value in what I say, and who feel a kinship through this weird form of communication.
Having said that, I also have my moments when I want to give up, feel badly about a poor choice of words or possibly offending someone, or question if I am putting too much of myself on the web. I sometimes wonder if I am wasting too much time on this, and if my time should be spent, say, cleaning the kitchen... ? Again?
So I had a saved post entitled "I quit!", in case the day ever came that I felt I needed to abandon the blog. Today, I erased and wrote new text for this post, and you will see, I have come to a different conclusion.
When tempted to throw in the towel, I am often reminded that the enormous intellectual generosity showed by great artists, musicians, scientists, craftspeople and "average joes" have given us all so much. And sometimes you can't dig up the gems until you have a whole pile of work from which to harvest the best products. So I keep going... blogging... designing... working... mothering...wifeing... friending.
It took me three tries to make this loaf of bread this weekend. (Don't ask.) And it was soooo worth the trouble. I was rebelling against the gluten-free options we had been trying for my son's benefit. Had I not attempted so many times, I would have just had a disappointing experience to share with you now.
You may already know I am a Metropolitan Museum of Art maniac. When I went to see Jasper Johns 50 gray canvases a few weeks ago, I was reminded that everything is worth doing well. Now, one can become a fanatic, of course, but, from this vast sea of gray, I could see these sparkling pieces of genius, that would have never existed, if not for his endless attempts at conveying his messages with the use of such a non-color. So, it wasn't a exhibit for everyone, but I felt there was a special message in it for me.
Keep going. Keep trying. Persevere. It may not all be worth it, but some of it will be, and you'll never know unless you try...
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Ah, how timely! I often think about giving up the blog because I don't really have anything interesting to say. But the response I get from folks out there gives me pleasure, and prevents me from simply being a serial lurker.
ReplyDeleteI so wish that I could be transported to the Jasper Johns. I have bought the catalogue and love the reproductions, but that's far from standing in front of the real thing. I am a fan of grey, which makes the frustration greater, but, hey, I get to see many fantastic exhibitions and am lucky enough to have the beautiful beautiful book.
Thanks for declaring yourself on my blog, otherwise I might not have had the pleasure of finding yours.
I really appreciate your frankness in regards quitting your blog. I've been feeling guilty about mine. It took me some time to start blogging; and now that I'm blogging, life still happens (caring for someone, my digital camera dies, no time for self, etc.) I was beginning to wonder if it was even a good idea to even start it. Now the fact that you've been blogging for some time and still ponder that thought, brings ease to my mind. I guess it's a natural tendency to question and then remind ourselves why we started in the first place.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts. I personally am very inspired by them.